Monday, May 21, 2012

Life As We Know It

In this Universe we follow certain seemingly random paths that lead us to unforeseeable consequences. We can intuit the likely results of many actions, events and circumstances but in reality the actual outcome is always unknown.

I, like most people on this planet, have always had an impression of what was ahead in my life. At times my predictions of what was to come have been so accurate and consistently so that I have even entertained the notion that I posses some measure of clairvoyant abilities.

Ten months ago I realized how sadly and pathetically wrong I have been.

On August 23 the only woman I ever truly loved and the mother of my daughter and three step-children died from "complications due to child birth."

The how's and why's are somewhat pointless at this moment. The only reality that matters is that on that day everything in my universe completely and irrevocably changed. In that moment, the moment that her mother walked up to me and told me that she was "gone." I felt myself shift from one reality to another. I was now in a universe, out of an infinite many of possible universes amongst the Multiverse, that no longer contained a living breathing Mary Beth Kaminski. I was lost in this new place. I could never get back to my home. I was trapped here.

As the months passed by I found myself in places I never expected to be. Places that could not exist in my home reality. And yet here I am, traversing a strange, alien, and yet frightening familiar landscape.

I get up every morning and make sure Harmony gets ready for school. I drive the same route, I stay for roughly the same amount of time at her school, I go home, spend the day trying to figure out what to do next, drive back to school, pick up Harmony, drive home, repeat.

Mary's gone. Harmony and I have been lost in a new reality. And yet we continue. We push forward. We have to. Not to would be to risk never finding our way back home. This our new reality. This Universe is our new home. This is life as we know it.