I reached the level 20 cap in DC Universe Online today. I spent about 6 hours kicking ass in Metropolis and Gotham City. Criminal’s ran in fear. Aliens met their match. And my stomach got about an eight of an inch wider.
In other words I didn’t accomplish shit today.
Sure in some circles today was well spent. As a gamer reaching the level cap during beta testing of an awesome new game is quit the accomplishment. And though I’d love to count myself as a gamer. I just can’t help but feel guilty. Guilty for not doing something more constructive with my time. Guilty for not going for a walk (even though it rained all day). Guilty for not acting like an adult.
See this is what I go through everyday. Worrying about who I am and who I’m “supposed” to be is my modus operandi. I’m constantly fighting with myself. But luckily this isn’t a win or loose battle. I don’t know what it is but it sure is a pain in the ass.
And why am I telling you this shit, o’ faithful reader?
Because I can. Because you took the time to read this shit it means that I can tell you what ever the hell I want and these days I want to complain about a whole lot of nothin’!
Actually I figure that I could be dead in a year so might as well put some of this shit out there. Maybe some cool ass scientist in the far future will find this little bit of silliness and think, “Hm, our ancestors were a bunch of whinny pussies.”
Also I figure if I am alive next year this will be good record to show how far I’ve come. By this time next year I should be healthy and making money. This time next year I will be writing regularly. I’ll have a bunch of short films in the can. Some of them even entered into film festivals. I’ll have my first feature film written, maybe more then one. I’ll be getting ready to move into mine and Harmony’s new home. The company that Matt G and I are putting together will be booming. My shit will be together and I’ll be kicking ass. All be cause I wrote a blog entry last night and another one tonight. Because I’m going to write another one tomorrow and another the next day and so on. Because tomorrow I’ll also go for a walk, even if it rains. Because I’ve finally started to get shit done, and it feels pretty fucking good.